Imagine there is a couple who have been saving money for their first baby. Then one day when the baby was born, they decided to celebrate it. All friends, family, and colleagues’ advised the couple to plan a big celebration. They all said, “You cannot cheap out on this ‘once in a lifetime’ moment”. Soon the couple’s entire savings seemed too small. They decided to borrow from family and close friends. That too wasn’t enough and then they finally sold the vehicle they had. The celebration was extravagant, all the big people in town were present for this “once in a lifetime” event. The food was abundant, the guests were jubilant…word spread about the baby all through the neighborhood.
But the celebration was short lived. The first vaccine dose, the first illness, the toys, the baby food, the diapers, every expense was now another additional burden, besides their debts from the celebration. That’s when they realized, having a baby may have been “once in a lifetime” event but raising a child is a LIFETIME event.
As ridiculous as this story may sound, this is exactly how we have been approaching Weddings in India. Wedding may be “once in a lifetime” event, but MARRIAGE is a LIFETIME event. One should not celebrate the former at the cost of the latter.
We asked a few married couples on what expense they would like to cut down if they could go back in time and plan their wedding again. The most popular response was “Reduce the number of guests”. Then there are also some astronomical decoration costs, photography/videography costs etc.
Personally, me and my wife now look back and feel our reception dresses could’ve been rented out or we could’ve worn the same wedding dress. Every time I look at them occupying space in the wardrobe, I think of the nice little vacation/getaway we could’ve had at that cost. We paid a big sum for a photo album that we never printed till date…. because nobody cares for an album anymore, people are quite satisfied seeing our photos on their phones and computers.
We’re not saying having a frugal wedding is the solution, but rather DEBT should never be a part of the solution! If someone has saved up for a big wedding let them use it to their heart's content.
Sadly, this culture of overspending on weddings has caused many young people, even believers, to postpone getting married till they have saved "enough" money. What a pity! We are putting aside a LIFETIME event for the sake of a “once in a lifetime” moment.
According to RelianceMoney, the Indian wedding industry currently accounts for over Rs.1,00,000 crores and is growing at a rapid rate of 25-30% each year. A person in India is estimated to spend one-fifth of the total wealth accumulated in his lifetime on his wedding.
Ref: https://www.reliancemoney.co.in/getting-married-in-india-what-does-an-average-wedding-cost
The actual cost of registering a Marriage in India ranges from a few hundred rupees to a couple of thousand rupees, which includes the Registrar's fees (i.e a total of ₹3000-5000). So rather than looking at a budget of 1 lakh, 5 lakhs, 10 lakhs etc. it is better to start at the bare legal cost and then work upwards. Because, everything above that is pretty much a "good to have".
If you don’t have the budget for a grand wedding, there are lot of ways to save on the wedding expenses. Here are some ideas.
- NEVER EVER BORROW for the wedding. This is certainly not a solution from God, as its clearly mentioned in the bible (Prov 22:7, 26-27). Debt is one of the worst starts to a marriage. Better to have a simple wedding with a glass of tea/coffee than to borrow. It is sad to see some major banks offering “Marriage loans”, because people are looking for it.
- Freeze your core decision makers: Finalize the core group of people who will be the final decision makers for any wedding related plans. (Its usually the couple or the couple and their parents). In India, everyone loves giving advice on how to have a fabulous wedding…. the aunt you recently discovered, the neighbor who just moved, the office colleague etc. And the people who give ideas seldom fund them. You don’t have to entertain all their suggestions/ideas.
- As a couple discuss and decide the few, most important expenses on which you don’t mind spending extra. Keep this list very small.
- If you have a small number of guests, you can save money by having the reception at a hotel rather than a marriage or convention hall. Hotels come with food, seating, restrooms, good lighting, and some complimentary decoration too.
- Printed Photo Albums and Video Recordings are pretty much never seen these days, this is one area you can cut costs on.
- Do not spend time and money over minor details which will be overlooked in the blink of an eye. (E.g.: A day before the wedding I spent time looking for a brass cup and velvet cloth to hold the rings and necklace because someone said its needed! This was precious time that I could’ve spent in prayer or spent with my future wife)
- GOLD – Avoid buying jewelry during the time of wedding. If you already have some, you may wear them as you like, if not, you don’t have to. A wedding ring/thali/mangalsutra is more than enough and it is not necessary that they must be made of gold. These days there are very beautiful, designer jewelry which are made of other less expensive metals.
- Avoid costume changes if you can. One – its an additional expense, two – it’s painful for the guests to wait till you change your clothes.
- FOOD: Be creative with the timing and menu. There is no hard and fast rule that a Christian wedding must have a non-vegetarian buffet dinner. You can have a vegetarian breakfast Reception or even an evening High – Tea Reception.
- CLOTHES: If you’re not too emotionally attached to clothes for special occasions, just rent them!
- Customary Gifts: Gifting the bride’s family, gifting the groom’s family, buying clothes for relatives etc. are huge expenses and can surely be cutdown. If you feel compelled to honor them, you can consider arranging a small, special lunch/dinner instead.
- If you’re renting a Wedding Car, just get a simple, clean car and avoid any luxury brands. We know a very good believer friend who used an Autorickshaw for his wedding! 🙂
We all have been to a lot of weddings, but there are some weddings that felt extra special because everyone was happy, right from the couple to the last guest. There was a sense of peace and joy at these weddings. One could feel God’s presence there. Such a blessed Wedding comes from God and is not dependent on the budget. They can be extravagant weddings or a simple weddings. So don’t let the fear of wedding expenses keep you from pursuing marriage.