The Art of Dowry: A comprehensive guide on how to ask and give!

Photo Credits: @unwomen_pak

With the rise in awareness against dowry and all the negative propaganda in media, it has become increasingly hard for the average boy’s family in India to directly demand dowry. Do not lose hope, in this guide we will provide you some skillful tips on how to extract dowry without getting caught!

[DISCLAIMER : This is satirical post, do not take it literally; however the statistics and the bible verse are to be taken seriously!]

For the Groom’s family:

1. It’s not “Dowry”, it’s a “gift”: Remove all negative words from your vocabulary, this is a gift. Do not use the word “Dowry” again.
2. “We don’t need anything, just do what is needed for your daughter”: This is a powerful sentence, use it tactfully during the wedding planning. The “daughter” sentiment always works.
3. “We don’t ask anything; all we want is a grand wedding for the children”: This time use the generalized “children” sentiment. After all what parents would not want a grand wedding for their child. And we both know that it is the duty of the girl’s side to meet this need.
4. ”Our son has everything we need, just send your daughter with what you can” : This statement gives 2 advantages: It shows that you are self-sufficient and also very reasonable.
5. “We won’t ask anything, just do what is customary”: This reminds the girl’s family of their cultural duties and customs.
6. The groom has 1 neck, 2 wrists and 10 fingers. Let this be plainly visible to the girl’s family when talking about jewelry. The girl’s family needs to understand that jewelry for their girl alone is not enough.
7. Talk about your son’s future plans: buying a car, starting a business, travelling abroad…even honeymoon plans. This gives the girl’s family an opportunity to diversify their investment in their daughter’s happiness.

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For the Bride’s family:

1. Take up the entire wedding expense. This is the least you can do for someone who has agreed to marry your worthless daughter! So you better own this expense completely.
2. Buy fine clothes for the groom’s family and his extended family members. Obviously, you don’t want a section of the wedding guests to be naked on your daughter’s wedding day.
3. Arrive at a reasonable price for the groom’s education, career, accomplishments etc. Remember, your daughter’s achievements amount to nothing.
4. In case they don’t ask, it is your godly duty to enforce your generous gifts on the groom’s family. Only then will the society speak well of you and the great legacy of your family.
5. Instruct your daughter to start saving money if she has the misfortune of having a baby girl.

If you follow the instructions in this guide carefully and avoid using the word “dowry” in your transactions, you can consider yourself innocent and not be responsible for the following statistics that are purely caused by the word “dowry”:

1*. 20 dowry related deaths per day in India

2*. Killing of 2,00,000 girls per year in India

*Ref1: https://www.shethepeople.tv/top-stories/opinion/dowry-deaths-reality-in-india-but-until-when/

*Ref2: https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/gender-bias-kills-over-200-000-girls-in-india-each-year-lancet-1234138-2018-05-15

Micah 6:10 (TLB)

“For your sins are very great—is there to be no end of getting rich by cheating? The homes of the wicked are full of ungodly treasures and lying scales.”