There is no person on earth who can claim to be without prejudice, if they do, they certainly are prejudiced towards their own self While the topic of Prejudice itself could easily run into several books of academic study, we will take a brief look at Prejudice through the lens of marriage.
Oxford Dictionary defines prejudice as “Any attitude held towards a person or group that is not justified by the facts.” Often prejudice and stereotyping go hand in hand. In a diverse country like India where every state speaks its own language, and people speaking the same language are divided by regions and so on… having a prejudice is as easy as breathing.
Let’s look at some popular prejudices some of us would’ve heard:
- North Indians are rude and South Indians are sweet (Ironically a North Indian told me this. Clearly he hasn’t met enough South Indians)
- Short people can’t be trusted (Well, Zacchaeus wasn’t the one who betrayed Jesus)
- People of a certain denomination are more spiritual than other denominations
- People from a certain state/region are more money-minded than others
…. and many more! All these are nothing but a result of ignorance. As we travel and meet more people we often lose/drop some of these prejudices along the way.
Many times we carry prejudices while choosing a life partner too.
When I was choosing a wife, I had this prejudice: “Never pick a girl from a specific city (will leave it unnamed) because they cannot speak any language other than English and their mother tongue. Such a girl won’t be able to partner with me in any social work or mission work outside her native place”.
Such a poor understanding of the city, of missions and girls in general! Thankfully God dealt with me graciously despite my ignorance.
While one may say that their prejudice is harmless, we might in fact be closing doors and options that God has left open for us! Eg: Let's read John 1:46,
“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked.
“Come and see,” said Philip.”
If Nathanael held on to his prejudice about Nazareth, he might have missed meeting Jesus.
I would like to encourage each one of you to pray that God would open your eyes to areas where you hold a prejudice with regard to your future life partner.
What about Preferences?
While prejudices are based on non-facts, preferences are based on one’s own feelings and desires. It is totally acceptable for someone to say they would like someone taller/shorter, someone younger/older, thinner/chubbier, introvert/extrovert, homely/outdoorsy etc. These preferences are not sinful by any means but are also not the most important. That’s why in Genesis 2:18 we deliberately omitted certain options such as salary, skin-color, body type etc.
It’s helpful to understand your own preferences while talking with someone.
We don’t need to force our minds to change our preferences, but as we continue to walk closely with Jesus our preferences will soon begin to be in line with His desires for our lives !